You Know Who Doesn't Judge By Appearances? Clowns
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've noticed that some mature women do not change how they apply makeup as they get older, which makes their maturing features begin to look, well, clownlike.
For instance, their lipstick may be too dark for their skin tone and may be applied beyond the natural vermilion line in an effort to give the lips a fuller appearance, instead looking like the exaggerated mouth of a clown. Ditto for pale eyeshadow applied over the entire lid, which appears even more like clown eyes when a dark (and often uneven) eyeliner is applied.
This makeup scheme is made starker by either the absence of balancing color to the cheeks and eyes, or the inclusion of clownlike rouge patches on each cheek.
Should one make any suggestions as to updating this unflattering makeup? And if so, how?
GENTLE READER: What did clowns ever do to you?
Never mind; Miss Manners is wary of clowns, too. She would never once compare a mature woman to them. Let alone do so four times.
Unless you are a trusted friend who was specifically asked, or a makeup artist, still specifically asked, there is no polite way to tell someone that her makeup is garish. You may, however, give subtle recommendations of products that work for you. ("I just found this makeup crayon in a flattering shade. It works so much better than a pencil, which I find to be too stark.")
But you better be sure it works for you.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Sometimes I get a thinking-of-you greeting card, or something similar, out of the blue from a friend.
I feel like the mannerly thing to do, now that there's text and email, is to send a quick note thanking them for thinking of me, or remarking on the beauty of the card and sentiment. My friend thinks it's OK to just receive the card and not send a response. What say you?
GENTLE READER: Nothing says "thank you for thinking of me" like completely ignoring the person right back.
The mannerly thing to do would be to respond in kind. Miss Manners prefers handwritten correspondence, but she will take what she can get.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few years back, my octogenarian husband severed relations with a longtime friend and colleague who is outspoken about his bigoted, religion-based views. My husband let this person know why he was offended, and the friend pushed back.
The person and his wife have made several overtures about reconciling with us. While my husband is able to compartmentalize, he knows that I prefer to keep these folks out of our lives, and he honors my views.
My husband may not be around much longer, and he is a person who likes making peace. Even if he doesn't reconcile while he's still around, I know the bigot ex-friend is a staunch reader of obituaries and will show up at whatever memorial service is held. How should I respond?
GENTLE READER: "Thank you for coming."
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN
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